Janus, self-portrait (2024)

Oil on canvas, 81x65cm.

In this painting, I tried to recreate the light cast by the shadow of an olive tree, which I consider a symbol of my childhood since I have always lived in a countryside full of these trees, so I spent a lot of time picking olives and climbing olive trees. Through this, I wanted to show that my childhood experiences still affect me—in this case, those that have led to insecurities about my self-image. Thus, this light bathes an idealized image of myself (with an arrogant pose and a sad gaze), which hides behind it doodles or caricatures of insecurities that whisper in the ear of the idealized image, criticizing it. Furthermore, I wanted to keep the “set” where I took the photograph to suggest that this image is not real. On the other hand, the room I am in is the one that belonged to me in my childhood and where I went through many of those experiences that have affected me so deeply.

The silhouette emerging from the back of the head in the painting may bring to mind the Roman god of doorways: Janus. This roman god is associated with many meanings, one of which is the beginning and end of the year; the past and the future. He is also associated with the Sun, since it marks the beginning and end of the day. It is for all these reasons that I have decided to name this work Janus; because the sunlight filtering through the olive branches shows how the past still influences my present and how this work is a personal promise to heal and mend those wounds for a healthier future, as a sign of self-love.